There aren’t many life changes as big as a lung cancer diagnosis. And when Xavier Sanders was told he had cancer, he saw all the different ways his life was about to change for the worse.
That was just over one year ago. And while his life has drastically changed since, it hasn't been in the ways he expected.
“I‘ve found real purpose in my life recently. I previously didn’t feel that way even though I was doing so much. I served in the military for 14 years and traveled to so many countries because of it. But now, I have a purpose and feel it as I meet others, talk about what I’ve been through, and how I’ve gotten to this point,” says Xavier.
After his diagnosis, Xavier went through bad days, and then worse days. In the spring of 2022, the Air Force placed him on reserve duty when he kept testing positive for COVID. Eventually, they looked deeper into his health issues and found a spot on his lungs. A follow-up three months later showed the spot had doubled in size.
A biopsy confirmed it was cancer, and a full body scan showed the cancer was in his lungs and had already spread to his kidneys.
“The doctor told me it was such a rare form of cancer that he couldn’t believe someone my age had it and that I’d likely be living with it for the rest of my life. My mind immediately went to thinking about all the burn pits I’d been around from my military tours overseas. It created this weird feeling where I was still proud I served, but figured it had to be the reason for my cancer,” says Xavier.
As treatment started, Xavier struggled to see how anything positive could happen. The medication he took was giving him severe side effects—light sensitivity and exhaustion—and it wasn’t even clear if the medication was working.
“There was a day when I decided I was going to overdose. I brought all my medication with me and went to a place I could be alone. I was in a lot of pain, and it truly felt like everything was going against me. But then I got a text from a friend. He asked how I was doing. That’s when it clicked that I can be in pain and still ask others for help,” says Xavier.
Asking for help became one of the biggest life-changing moments in his life. It led to him thinking about who he was as a person, and who he wanted to be.
“Later that month I decided to go to a mental health facility and begin asking for help. I got a lot of clarity about my life there. I talked with a therapist and realized I masked a lot of pain and was never really honest with myself.”
Although it was the cancer that led him down this path, it was the self-reflection and honesty that truly changed his life.
I really want to emphasize the impact learning to love myself has had, and that others can experience it too. It’s life-changing to be true and honest with yourself and ask for help when you need it. I am much happier now than I used to be. My emotions no longer run my life and I have become much better at embracing and accepting them and working through them when I need to.
Xavier Sanders
As his cancer journey continues, Xavier’s been working through positive and negative emotions. While his lungs were cleared of cancer, he only has 53% use of them, and he remains in treatment for the cancer in his kidneys.
He’s taking two pills a day for treatment, still has side effects, and gets checkups every three months. Physically, there are a lot of similarities between now and when he was having bad day after bad day. But the changes to his mental health have turned Xavier into a different person—a happier person.
If you are in crisis, having suicidal or self-harm thoughts, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
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